So you thought music piracy was new? Wrong. Above is how your grandparents used to get their groove on to The Beatles without forking out for the latest LP’s. I reckon you could get some pretty ‘groovy’ effects by mixing up different coloured vinyl.
Firstly I want to make it perfectly clear that the British performers are largely not at fault. Josh Dubovie did a good job under the conditions he was forced to perform under. “What conditions”, I hear you ask? Here are five reasons that I think are hurting the British chances of every winning the Eurovision Song Contest ever again.
The British selection committee. It is the job of this panel to choose the best song and performer that matches the music style of the time in Europe as a whole. However they keep choosing songs that are standard British ditis and not Euro-hits. Music tastes on the other side of the channel are very different.
Prior promotion. The German winner this year (Lena) was all over European radio weeks before the final. Similarly maNga (the Turkish entry) are a well established Rock/Hip-hop/Techno group, known throughout Europe. In contrast, the first time I heard the British entry was on the final night because I missed the selection programme and I don’t listen to BBC Radio 2.
Experience. We seem to be opting for ‘newbies’. Performers who don’t have much experience at performing to large audiences. The whole of Europe is a pretty big venue and something a 19 year old doesn’t have the experience to handle. (Lena is an exception as she has been performing her song across Germany to promote her attempt). Otherwise the competition usually comprises of a dual/triple album rock band, a classically trained Violinist who plays for the Pope, and of course a Transvestite Diva with more confidence and charisma than 100 Lady Gaga’s! Suddenly our 19 year old saviour is a shrinking violet.
‘Your Country Needs You’. Honestly I have a lot of respect for Andrew Lloyd Webbers’ legacy as a fantastic composer for theatre but he knows bugger all about Euro-hits. Mix that with the British public only being given a choice of 6 performances… and the fact we are relying on THE BRITISH PUBLIC!!! X Factor this aint!
We have no friends. I hate to admit it but the calls for Euro-fixing do seem to be true, especially when it comes to countries not liking Britain. This year was much better for fixing between Balkan States and Scandinavia, but it hasn’t helped our little island much. Perhaps because we haven’t got involved in The European Union as much as we were expected to, and that we are far too deep in the pocket of the US who, really, nobody likes.
So what can we do about it? The only way I can see Britain winning the Eurovision Song Contest is if we adopt the Euro, sack off Obama, and resurrect Michael Jackson to write a song for Take That to perform.
Possible?
Hell, if an Irish winner from X years ago can come back and still come in ahead of us, and a Welsh kid can perform for Cyprus and also beat us then I reckon anything is possible. Bring back Michael Ball singing a duet with Katrina. The Waves can play the music and Bucks Fizz can perform backing lyrics. Sure-fire win right there.
PS I think Graham Norton is a great replacement for Sir Terry. Its taken me a year to decide, but he can stay.
Just thought I’d mention this after hearing his latest single. When someone has been convicted of as many things as he has, surely he shouldn’t be allowed to use Jesus and children to sell a Christmas release?!
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